What triggered this diary entry

This morning I had an allergic problem with a bandage that I had used to strap my knee and I went off to Paulton hospital for minor injuries. As luck would have it, the car park was full so I decided to go to the hub in Paulton  itself, that’s the place linked to a small library and have a latte.

It was here that my theme for the day was decided. This can happen in a variety of ways normally because in  my visual imagination the topic declares itself to have substance which is quite ironic for a topic such as small talk.

There was only one customer in the restaurant as I arrived and he was obviously from his body language very keen to talk, maybe too keen. The first thing I heard was the waitress saying to him, ‘you have to stop complaining and being a nuisance otherwise you will put people off’.

He engaged in some small talk with me about the weather and about the wind and I acknowledged him politely but frankly wanted to sit there on my own and drink my latte, beautifully prepared by a young man with very tousled hair who thought that you should serve it in a mug not a cup otherwise it didn’t taste the same.

Lord Chesterfield

From Google: The phrase “small talk” originated in the mid-18th century, with the earliest recorded use appearing in the writings of Lord Chesterfield, a British Parliamentarian, who used it to describe light, inconsequential conversation often exchanged in social settings, essentially referring to “chit-chat” or “middling conversation” that wasn’t particularly deep or substantial.

Some quotes:
small talk annoys you not because you don’t have the social skills but because it feels insincere and forced  S. Menutt

Brits and small talk

Brits are very good at this art. When a group of people, especially senior people, meet, it’s normally it starts with a medical report, then a comment on the weather, then a comment on how the country is going to the dogs. It’s been going to the dogs now for some time and in my view at an increasing rate.

I find the above quote a little bit unrealistic though I know what she means.  I would prefer to have an amuse bouche or a starter before the main course but then that’s me.

I always start with some form of small talk even if it’s just a joke because it’s a bit presumptuous to assume that a person will be interested in the same in-depth topic as yourself, so what I’m doing is engaging in a  miniature fishing expedition to see whether the person is capable of original thought or whether they are part of the mass mind.

There is no disrespect in this remark,  it’s just that I need to know where people are coming from.  Some people are ready to talk, some are not but there are limits. There is nothing worse than someone who pinholes you about a subject in which you may have no interest and will go on interminably without looking for any feedback from yourself

This is what I call ‘dumping’ and it probably as close as you can get to my description of a boring person.  I find it offensive because it leaves me out of the equation. I do actually want a genuine conversation where there is give and take on both sides.

The origin of the word ‘conversation’.

There are many meanings of this word some of which have become obsolete but it’s interesting to think of some other stems, to live, dwell, live with, keep company with to turn about, turn about with. This implies that verbal conversation is just a part of being and living with someone.

In other words you could have a silent conversation where you both agree to do the same thing.  Members of an orchestra can have a musical conversation with each other. Animals can converse via a series of coded messages, body language or otherwise .

I haven’t come across this word before, but the transitive verb conversate which is to have a conversation. If I say that I conversated with someone, people would look at me as if I was rather weird However, they should not that this has been part of the English language since 1851

The art of conversation has declined in recent years partly due to lack of relevant education amongst the young and partly because the stress of life, though I only accept the latter argument in part. In previous centuries people have been more stressed than they are now in terms of the physical demands of living but they still had conversations so the stress argument is weak.

In our current life we have a series of formulae that partially take the place of full blown sentences.

see you soon,    see you around,    I’m fine thanks,
what’s going on then,    how are you doing?   I’m like OK,
I am cool with the situation    my work is fantastic   my relationship is great
we’re doing OK thank you.    We must do lunch    No problem

All these are empty formulae that have very little content so why bother with them at all I wonder.

A problem with ‘no problem’

One that particularly annoys me is a waiter saying ‘no problem’ when I asked for  a coffee. I naively thought that entering a coffee shop where coffee is served was automatic and that there would not be a problem in delivering it.

I could understand it being a problem if I went into a butchers or a haberdashers. If there was a problem say with the coffee machine I would expect it to say outside before you go in the shop.  What about a simple thank you or is that not cool enough?

And yet I feel the souls desire to go deeper, to express themselves on another level, to discuss the fact that we’re not just a piece of meat in a human body, but there is a spiritual or other more mysterious side to us, that ideas have consequences to name one of the very good YouTube channels.

In our desire not to upset anyone we tend not to mention anything that might be offensive, heaven forbid it might cause people to actually think and that wouldn’t do would it. I have written quite a lot about Jesus Christ and that was the very last thing on his mind. He was very brave, going in to a land where the Romans with all their gods reigned supreme.

Do we have a shorter attention span?

I have also noticed a very short attention span when even if people try, they find it almost unable to concentrate on a word string especially that which contains any abstract ideas. They all too easily default to the level of their own experience on an everyday basis.  I sometimes shock people by actually listening to them and coming back on what they have said and they are clearly not used to this. People are used to being ignored and living in their own world which is very sad.

At least people are broaching the subject. There is a channel on Facebook called how to talk to anyone. Strangely it only has 180 followers which must say something and I believe the originator of the site is a personal coach. The channel has been up and running for the last five years so I find the small number of followers s significant. It looks like that channel has been abandoned.

A pity that. Some people are not even in the state of mind when they can contemplate talking to anyone and everyone in my case. I cannot not talk to people. No it’s not a double negative. I could rephrase it by saying ‘I cannot resist the temptation to talk to people’.

I detest excessive smiling

is this a dental examination or an expression of joy or neither.

The photographer has obviously asked people to smile but why has she got her eyes closed, This image is from a website extolling the virtues of starting meaningful conversations: topics and questions to encourage deep conversation. There’s no way I would talk with such a grinning entity as the lady on the right.

Why Smile?

We need 23 sets of muscles to work in harmony and if you’re not careful your smile can be seen as other than the impression you are trying to give. I quote ‘the smile on the face of a tiger’.
People smile at me in public so that I don’t attack them, in other words, smiling can be a defensive thing. Dont assault me because I am nice. I reckon I could make this another article so I’ll close now and publish this.

PS I changed my mobile provider

For some time I had been fretting about them miserly monthly allocation of 6 gigabytes for £10 provided by sky mobile.  I don’t know whether they have any management but if they have, the they are taking a low profile so it is impossible to speak to anyone.

Their website is very unhelpful and consists of questions and answers made-up by the management themselves and not really reflecting the questions that the customer might have. Also the robotic assistant cannot understand what I’m saying. As for speaking to an actual person if you don’t mind waiting on the phone for 45 minutes to speak to someone with an Indian accent that you can’t hardly hear then best of luck. Generally, a dead loss.

I finally plucked up courage and moved to Smarty which gives me 50 gigabytes for £8.

I was really worried about losing my number along the way but actually they’ve got the process well sussed. What you do is you get your PAC number from your existing company and tell your new company about it and they will make sure that your old number is transferred and you don’t really have to do too much.

You poke the little tiny hole on the top left of your phone, take out the old SIM card and put the new one in and Bob’s your uncle as they say. <sign of relief>

It remains to be seen whether the reception in my office will enable high quality telephone calls