Many times people apologise to me during the day based on the rather curious argument that I am within one metre of them on the street and they think I am going to step in their way so they apologise just to make sure.

I wonder if it is just a habit to apologise for one’s existence. I don’t notice this when I go abroad so I think it must be an English thing.

Some apologies I listen to with more patients than others for example if someone is late for an appointment they are late and I’m not interested in the reason. If they knew when the appointment was going to happen, they would have made sure that they arrived a few minutes in hand to start the conversation in a timeous manner.

Many people apologise when they call on the phone starting by saying I’m sorry to trouble you and that is the English way of saying that they need something and they hope I will be able to assist them. I agree you should apologise when calling too early or too late, before 9:00 or after 6:00 PM but apart from that why do people apologise for calling during the working day.

During the evening the excuse whatever is given is a little bit weak unless you know the person. Fresh business call should definitely be made during business hours.

Automatic apologies do not please me, given by a robotic voice saying that so and so is not here and could I please call back.

When people cannot attend a meeting they send their apologies. This is just polite protocol for anything social or business.

In recent times I am more intolerant of people who are invited to something, say they are coming, and simply don’t turn up. If I don’t want to face a confrontation on the phone it is fairly easy to send a text message I would have thought

Anyway, lets have a look at the etymology of the word apology.

early 15c., “defense, justification,” from Late Latin apologia, from Greek apologia “a speech in defense,” from apologeisthai “to speak in one’s defense,” from apologos “an account, story,” from apo “away from, off” (see apo-) + logos “speech” (see Logos).In classical Greek, “a well-reasoned reply; a ‘thought-out response’ to the accusations made,” as that of Socrates. The original English sense of “self-justification” yielded a meaning “frank expression of regret for wrong done,” attested by 1590s, but this was not the main sense until 18c. In Johnson’s dictionary it is defined as “Defence; excuse,” and adds, “Apology generally signifies rather excuse than vindication, and tends rather to extenuate the fault, than prove innocence,” which might indicate the path of the sense shift. The old sense has since tended to go with the Latin form apologia (1784), a word known from early Christian writings in defense of the faith.

# An apology Is more often than not defending your position and this applies to a Christian apologist who wants to explain their position maybe defending the way of the cross as different from the way of the world I don’t know.

# As discussed previously in recent articles an apology is designed to restore integrity and peace in a situation which might otherwise lead to discord and this is of benefit to both the person who apologises and the apologee if there is such a word.

# I have learnt to listen carefully to people who apologise and the giveaway is the tone of voice. You know they’re just saying and it is not worth having a dialogue so you just nod or grunt.

# Apologies after the event is better than nothing but frankly the less said the better. If you can’t summon the discipline to let people know beforehand then I don’t know what to say.

# If you have done something wrong through a misunderstanding then tell the host or other party and there may well be a point for example not describing the exact meeting place or being vague about the time.

# Avoid saying, I’m not being funny, but…. you may be undermining yourself before you start.

# If however it is your fault then you should acknowledge your mistake saying I’m sorry or I’m really sorry or I apologize.

# Do not manufacture excuses because it stands out a mile and can make a situation worse.

# You can if you’re very gracious make a follow up statement saying, this must have caused you inconvenience, or you must’ve wondered where I was or something happened to me

# If for example you didn’t turn up to a charity event or where money had been spent on your presumed arrival then the least you can do is to make good and offer some financial recompense otherwise you may not be invited again

# If necessary, ask people for their forgiveness, shake hands, hug. Anything to show remorse

# If you can manage this learn and face the fact why you did this or allowed it to happen and make sure that it does not happen again

# If you can find it within you, invite the person to tell how the event went and see if there’s anything you can do to make future events more successful

From the point of view of the host you might as well save your energy and not get angry because they may well have been a real genuine excuse for example an accident or difficulty at home and they just couldn’t make it so let them speak first.

The general policy should be to be in harmony with everyone and keep your relationships in repair as it says in the Bible and many other places of wisdom.

There is a great youtube video on apologising, by RenU