I want to reproduce something from my birthday speech which talks about getting relationships to the next level. I spoke to my friends who are on the wavelength so to speak but I think the message applies to everyone so please enjoy it and if you find anything of benefit do let me know.

The value of testimonies

I want to speak about the lessons I have learned about testimonies. Us humans have installed the most brilliant self-limiting software. It prevents us from being free and spontaneous and even human.

We are inhibited for the following reasons:

# we do not want to offend anybody or ‘give offense’ as it is called,
# we don’t want to be misunderstood in case our words come out the
wrong way,
# we do not want to step out of line,
# we do not want to lose a friend or be ostracised
# we do not want to be laughed at
# we do not want to be seen as an ignoramus
# we not want to be seen as vulnerable

I reckon the best single thing we can do for ourselves is to learn to unlearn our inhibitions and give testimonies more freely. A testimony does not have to be long or formal.

For example after a party or social event, rather than saying mechanically, thank you very much for inviting me see you around we must do lunch, why not try a burst from the heart by saying that

‘I was a bit apprehensive about coming to the event because I didn’t know anyone but I  met this amazing chap with whom I had something in common and I learned a lot from them and this was only possible because you the host invited us’.

This has the power to transform. The deepest human need is to feel valued.

Formula comments do not do it. E.g. ’enjoy the rest of your day’. ‘we must meet for lunch’. ‘That was a great party’

I invite you all to participate. You might find that the status of your relationships will be enhanced’

In this act we may realize how much we have been inhibited. This may be a trait of northern hemisphere man as opposed to those near the equator who are more joyous and spontaneous.